Trapped
by Sarie Cigam
Summary: Yamato finds something lacking in his life as a major rockstar... but what is it? I won't spoil it for you... this may be considered a Taito, but that's for you to decide. PG-13 for angsty-ness, but sorta more of a PG. I'm just rating on the safe side.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon or the Five For Fighting song "Superman." Please don't sue!

  
  


NOTE: We're assuming here that this is a few years after the second season of Digimon. Yamato's a teen rockstar, and for some reason, not liking it. This is a song fic/re-write of a song, combined. Yes, some of the lyrics suck major arse, but I had to fit them to Yamato's mood. Try singing them to the actual song. They work, really! Anywho, I'll shut up now and let you read.

  
  


_I can't stand to fly_

_I'm not that naive_

_I'm just out to find_

_The better part of me..._

  
  


Ishida Yamato plucked at his guitar and sang slowly, a sad tinge in his normally cheerful singing voice. No one else occupied the band's practice room. Yamato wanted it that way. That's why he was sitting here at midnight, the doors bolted, only a single light on. He sang a bit more, improvising his own words to fit the situation.

  
  


_I feel like a bird,_

_'Been trapped in a cage,_

_I'm more than that pretty face_

_You see on stage_

_And it's not easy to be me..._

  
  


He felt like his life was falling apart. He knew if he spoke, the media would call him a whining brat star, and his fans would sink him deeper into this pit, this hole he was digging. He didn't see the source of his depression. He loved being on stage, he loved the crowds, the fans, the traveling, the attention. He loved being loved by millions, but he couldn't love any of them back. He knew they wanted him only for his fame. He couldn't express himself to them.

  
  


_I wish that I could cry,_

_Fall upon my knees,_

_Find a way to lie,_

_'Bout the love I'll never see..._

  
  


He was writing a song now; a love song, but he didn't want to sing it. He didn't know those feelings. Even in his multitudes of girlfriends, he never found that satisfying love he was seeking. His lyrics were empty. His heart wasn't in them.

  
  


_It may sound absurd,_

_But don't be naive,_

_Even heros have the right to bleed._

_I may be disturbed,_

_But can't you all see,_

_Even heros have a need to dream_

_And it's not easy to be me..._

  
  


He almost wished he was back in the Digital World with his only true friends. He dreamed about that place. He dreamed of the fighting, the wars, the endless adrenaline rush, his fist fights with their leader... How could he forget those times? How many times had he fallen into one of their arms to cry? No, that was wrong... he had been _far_ to cool to cry for any of them, save for his brother, and Taichi.

_Why_ had he only cried for Taichi? Why did the tears flow that much easier for his rival? No doubt Yamato was the lone wolf of the team, and he clashed with the leader easily and frequently. It might have been this close, physical, passionately angry outbursts that let him express his other feelings to the young man.

  
  


_Got to escape_

_Go way up high from me_

_But it's all right._

_You can all dream soundly tonight._

_I won't leave you...._

  
  


They had cooled off later, years later, when the second attack on the Digital World came. They were older. Somehow, though, they weren't as close. They'd grown further apart as the years rolled on, but somehow it hurt more deeply than the loss of a friend. Yamato felt like he'd lost part of his soul.

  
  


_I can't stand to fly_

_I'm not that naive_

_Men weren't ment to ride_

_With clouds between their knees_

  
  


Where was Taichi now? Where was he when Yamato needed him most? The angry, depressed young man dropped his guitar to the floor and reached slowly for the bottle of sleep medication he had been prescribed, sensing the weight of the pills through the thin plastic. Enough of those would let him sleep for eternity.

  
  


_I'm only a man_

_On a brightly lit stage,_

_Singing for my fangirls_

_And a massive wage_

_I'm only a man_

_What you want me to be_

_Looking for a special one_

_A love for me, just for me, just for me._

  
  


Slowly he raised the handful of pills to his mouth, the glass of water to aid his swallowing of death resting nearby. He had slipped one pill between his lips when his cell phone rang noisily. Irritated, Yamato went to step on it, but the Caller I.D. that appeared flashing on the screen stopped him dead. 

_I'm only a man_

_A guy on stage_

_I'm only a man_

_Tryin' to escape this cage_

_And it's not easy_

_It's not easy to be me_

  
  


Taichi was on the other end. Yamato practically dove for the phone, the pills scattered and forgotten on the hard wood floor.

"Hello?" Yamato asked in a shaking, tear-filled voice.

"Yamato? This is Taichi. Is something wrong? I just got a feeling I should call you. You sound awful."

"Taichi.... please come see me... please..."

"Yamato? What's wrong?"

"I just nearly took my entire bottle of sleeping tablets, Tai."

"...I'll be right there."

Yamato sagged down on the floor after unlocking the door, and shook terrified and crying, waiting for that one he could love, and praying to God the other would love him back.


End file.
